Never in Stillness - Always the Restoration to Change!

Down-pour in Arandis!!

2012-02-19T05:05:00.000-08:00

Well, good morning! Things are going tremendously here in Arandis. Life is peaceful. It was a bit cloudy on my way in to school for detention and English class this morning. I was in my class waiting for the kiddos and I began to hear what sounded like rain! It was a down-pour that lasted almost 60 seconds! We all ran out into the street, but it was just a tease.

I never take for granted my time here! I'm learning a lot, I fear that it will be over before I know it. The days are very long, but the months will fly by!

This week was hard, we are still figuring out things with teachers and schedule of classes. I thought after the fifth week, we'd have it! My God is helping me be patient. I'm no longer blaming all the behavior issues on the kids and the sinful state of mankind, although it's prevelent... if the teachers (including myself) don't get their acts together and get organized, than how can we expect children to pull themselves together? It's all new! We need unity among the team. We're all working together for the one goal of helping these young people get to know and love our savior. He loves them so much! As He says to the isrealites, "you shall neither mistreat a stranger nor oppress him, for you were strangers in Egypt. You shall not afflict any widow or fatherless child. If you afflict them in any way and they cry out at all to me, I will surely hear their cry and my wrath will become hot...and your children will be fatherless!" Exodus 22:21-24

In conversations with a few girls, they've said, they like their new teachers this year, but it's not as fun because they don't play sports or go on feild trips! If you've been here before, and have any more ideas for me, please let me know!

Doing things outside of the classroom, can be a blast and much more effective for bringing unity! Yesterday we rid a fence of graffiti and picked up five large trash bags of trash around the school. Some people stopped and laughed I stared, some joined us! The town workers thanked them and handed out trash bags.

When I was talking with Pearl (the pastor's daughter and amazing leader among the Sunday school) about more projects to do, we decided to work together! We will choose families in need in the community. We will work to clean for them and bless them with music or dance. One day a month we will do as many families as we can, we'll have around thirty kids!! It's neat because there were families whose names came up that had needs just the day before, even from our school. We will go to their house and the kids will serve at their own homes.

When I spoke with the youth leader today who also works at the town council about more projects to do, he said, "Well I can get back to you, but for now I want the youth to join you." He said, "We need to get the bigger ones working." My young kids are also an example for the older ones!

When God's people come together, his kingdom is established and his work is accomplished. Im just thankful that he can use us to do it. We heard in church this morning that we can't expect to hear from God and know what to do in our lives if we are not reading the words that he already spoke to us! Please remember that as you're looking for ways to spend your time. There are always needs around you!

With warmth from Arandis, Namibia!
Sen jel lader.
Anna Gdanian

He gives hope to the hopeless

2012-02-12T07:51:00.000-08:00

When's the last time you cried? I cried for you tonight. When's the last time you laughed? Tell me about that time. When's the last time you were frustrated, what caused that anger? When's the last time you were afraid? What eased the anxiety so you could breath again? When is the last time you were confused? From where did that turmoil originate?
Tell me because...I want to know your thoughts, I want to see your face, I want to feel your embrace, I want to be where you are! I miss you! As I'm sitting here, thinking about the empty feeling of the day I left my family in the airport; walking away from my mother, waving precious farewells, my thoughts are turned tword our heavenly father, who wants us to know him like that. Im thinking about the hopeless feeling in many children all over, but also in arandis right now because they don't have someone to love with all their heart, like I do. God desires a closeness, not one that I can understand- but I'm beginning to!
Imagine him speaking this message of hope to you!
When's the last time you cried? Listen to what my heart aches for- open your eyes and see these needy and hurting all around you!
When's the last time you laughed?Weeping may remain for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning. The joy of the lord is your strength!
When's the last time you were frustrated? A soft answer turns away wrath! (proverbs 15) May the peace of Christ dwell in you richly! The lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in mercy. (ps103:8)
When's the last time you felt misunderstood? May the name of the God of Jacob defend you. May he send you help from his sanctuary. (psalm 20:1)
When's the last time you were afraid? "Your help comes from the Lord, maker of heavan and earth!"
When's the last time you were confused? "Do not be anxious about anything, instead pray about everything." You have seen what I did to the Egyptians, and how I bore you on wings like eagles and brought you to myself. If you will indeed obey my voice, then you shall be a special treasure to me! (exodus 19:4)

Thank you for coming on this journey and praying for the children.
With love and kind thoughts!

Anna Gdanian

Go patriots!!

2012-02-05T10:21:00.000-08:00

For all those who will be watching the game in 7 hours! Please enjoy!! I've never been so sad to miss a patriots game. Elizabeth said..."mom, let's give miss Anna the day off tomorrow!"
I laughed! " Why, cause you don't want me teaching you?"

"no, so you can watch you're soccer game that you want to watch!!"

Everything is soccer here I guess!
Thinking of you all this evening! It was a restful weekend, after a full week and we're going to tackle the third week of school beginning at 7:15 am. Lord bless us all!

Anna Gdanian

Birthday in Arandis!! (January 30,2012)

2012-02-05T08:38:00.001-08:00

Beautiful, Birthday in Arandis.

Thank you for all your birthday wishes.

The best part was kindness and scrumptious dishes

Sunday with Ms. Cheryl's steaming, stew, made of beef.

A delicious chocolate cake that was smooth and creamy

Spent the early morning praying,

One of the twins had run away

In the safety of the Lord,

Ms. Nan found her in church Later that day

The thirtieth was a long one, teaching, organizing. Caring.

Every move with a prayer.

the afternoon with 10 boys and girls at Auntie Elizabeth's house.

We had Dinner with Ismael,

Smith Reponzi Riaan dennis

You see, the children wanted to surprise me, so they kept a secret a lot

to their house for some dinner because I like pop.

Delicious Porridge and meat.

the end, I broke my glasses!

What a treat!

Have a happy Sunday!!

2012-01-29T03:22:00.000-08:00

Dear friends!

I'm thinking about you this evening (that's Saturday, January 28) I hope where you are is not too cold. I was walking today and saw a marage. It reminded me of Fifal goes West and then I realized, I'm in the desert! It's rather warm in the sun! One of these days I'll get you the actual temperature.

I enjoyed our first full week of school and the after school program I'm helping Nan organize. Let me just take a minute to let you know how grateful I am to be working along side if Nan Parker. She is very knowledgable, serious, passionate, sincere, generous and kind. I'm learning alot! My sixth grade kids were so excited to get thier letters from their USA friends. I still need about five friends, to keep them motivated. Most of them have written back already. We had our second adult ESL conversation class this morning with several of the moms and some community members. Laughter was abundant as we used the language.

I've enjoyed getting to know many people in the community and from the church. Tomorrow will be my second Sunday joining the music band, since I was able to find a guitar at a reasonable price.

This year brings a lot new things for children of promise and Talitha Kumi, which can be good and has it's challenges for the children and families. Starting with the new grades, new classrooms and all furniture, three new teachers; there are at least two new foster families. Some of the kids are at a new school this year and have new brothers and sisters they have to live with. Some of them have a new language they have to begin speaking. We know how difficult it was to get along with our siblings, anyway, imagine if your just placed into an new family, alone. The others have their real brothers and sisters with them, and they are speaking another language. Do they love me? I don't belong here! I miss...whoever was with them before. I'd love to adopt a few, I love them so much!! The new families are great though, really solid!! I've enjoyed getting to know the parents as I go on frequent home visits. I also find that this enhances the teacher/student relationship, increases trust and therefore encourages an eagerness to learn and respect their classmates. I have some incredibaly bright, very special, children. They all have fantastic stories, I have their memoirs to prove it. I'm SO thankful they are in the private school. I pray and hope that the money and teachers, and provisions will be there to do what needs to be done to get the new building up and the high school running soon! Let me give you a little perspective... 30% is a passing grade, there is still a high failure rate. It's not becasue children are not intellegent, its because teachers aren't doing their job. There are still missing teachers at the third week, there are not enough text books. All these examples and more show that our high school students, in these government schools are certainly not at an advantage. We still are committed, as in the mission statement, "to challenge students to achieve their god-given potential, enabling them to soar towards bright tomorrows."

Enjoy your Sunday, I pray that it's blessed! I'll be in touch!

Anna Gdanian

January 13

2012-01-14T07:45:00.001-08:00

I love those few minutes after six when dinner is complete and the dishes are clean. The breeze is warm with just enough refreshment so you can enjoy the outdoors – taking a walk between 6:30 and 7:50 is the perfect time. Any earlier, the sun is very warm, and it gets dark in about two minutes time. I met some people along the way, they all say "Hello" amongst their Afrikaans chatter. I have successfully remembered my third phrase in two days ;) I walked down the main road and I happened upon some streets that I recognized: Quail St, Rail St, Sniper Close St and Roller St (where a good friend lives). I even saw the connecting road that goes into Josephs, the store in the center of town. Even though it's a tiny town, whenever I am actually trying to find these streets, I certainly cannot. I had a lovely visit with my friend and, she even let me borrow her extra guitar so I might have something to fill my time in the evenings and teach with, for now during music class on Thursdays.

Tuesday is the first day of school. My classroom should be all set to go. I had a chance to talk one on one with a few of my new students while I was preparing this week. They are all beautiful and intelligent; they have been honest and respectful - it will be a fun year. The home visits have been wonderful, giving us an opportunity to increase communication with parents and meet all the new families and additional children this year. Nan asked me to do an Adult English class for the teachers and parents. Since I regularly teach adults, I am VERY excited about this.

"Teacher, am I bothering you?"

"Of course not, are you trying to bother me?"

"No!"

"Here, I have a friend from USA who wants to meet someone from Namibia. Will you write to her and tell her what it's like where you live, who you are and introduce her to your family?"

"You want ME to tell her?"

"Yes, well you live here, and she wants to know!"

"Ok!" She said with tremendous excitement.

This was a perfect writing sample for me and a good chance to find a new writing buddy for one of my new students, Sonya (we'll call her school name). Everybody is glad she is back in Arandis this year because she's such a sweet girl. Her English is still very limited. She was not educated at all before she was nine.

Looking over the class lists today, they told me that the enrollment has truly grown this year. There are still 11 children who do not have sponsors for their education. The need is strong for solid, loving and strict caretakers for several children. Today I heard one child say, "I don't know why they keep leaving, what is wrong with us? We try to be good. I don't know what we are doing wrong," trying to adjust to the constantly changing mothers he has had over the years. It makes life difficult for them. A few children whom we expected to be back already from their visit to the farm they are from, are not back in Arandis. We are hoping they are here for the start of school. We have not even heard from them.

Over the past few days I have been here, I have been amazed and impressed with the amount of dedication Children of Promise, especially Talitha Kumi has for their education. It didn't take long for me to realize that, although there are many other needy children in Arandis, COPM certainly has their hands full with the current ministry children. They invest time and resources training the children and parents that education is their key to overcoming poverty and reversing negative behaviors in their lives and their community. We thought we found the fourth grade and the Math/Science teachers that were needed, but one day after Nan got a call that they were hired, she got an SMS that one was not coming. TIA!

January 9, 2012

2012-01-09T00:42:00.001-08:00

The beautiful, peaceful and sunny Arandis greeted me on Saturday afternoon after an amazing journey east to Europe and south spanning the entire Continent of Africa to the other side of the Atlantic Ocean. I had the unique surprise of coming in to the last moments of the final gathering at the town hall of all the Children of Promise Children, who when they saw me, greeted me hugs and kisses till I was up against the wall, slightly taking my breath away – it was completely satisfying, bringing tremendous joy! It’s always my first desire when I enter Namibia, to meet the children, it was a surprise because I didn’t think I would see them until school starts on the 17th. The families were at the tail-end of a week-long camp with a team from AIM – Africa Inland Mission, composed of volunteers from Germany, USA and Canada. These amazing young people, came on their holiday from wherever they were serving to work together for this one week in Arandis. Several of them will be returning to different cities in Namibia and other countries in Africa for the rest of their term. They came together to unite parents and children in different activities throughout the week.

There is nowhere else I would rather be. I am anxious to get to my class tomorrow and the rest of this week and get organized, set up my fifth grade homeroom where we’ll do Religion each morning; prepare for my 4^th-6^th grade English classes to include reading, writing and language competency. There are slots in the day for some additional required classes that they have not found teachers for so, we’ll fill in the gaps. There will be an art/music component to the week – we need to arrange that this week too. I hope to get a guitar for music at some point, but for now we have various rhythm instruments and if you have any ideas, let me know. Art and creativity is not typically my strong point, but thankfully Naomi sent me with some cool ideas for projects and we will manage. Let’s see what they come up with! Also, it covers a broader scope of drama/music and other things. I have the “OK” from Nan to follow through with the writing buddies plan to encourage the children to keep up with typing skills. I think we are setting up a computer in my classroom that the kids can take turns on each day learning. We may even have a class on basic computer literacy at some point during the year.

Just a quick update. Let me know what other things you want to hear about. I saw my class today, it’s next to the library, some administrative offices and the science lab. We are still looking for a Science Teacher for a few months as well!! Not that I am thinking of this already, but the first school break is actually for five weeks in April. Wow!

Greetings From Munich!

2012-01-06T07:09:00.000-08:00

Hello! I am not even sure how much of my trip is over at this point, and how much I still have to go. It's been very long, and I am groggy - to say the least. When I landed in Germany, I found a chair massage and was able to rest for a while on some very comfortable couches. I am now in a "Napcab" where you can sleep and use the internet for about 15 Euro per hour. I think it's the best $19 invested to get a good nap in before another long flight (Or at least lay flat for a while without worrying about someone running off with your bag). I just had one flight from Boston to Munich and I have finished waiting my first six hours in the airport, I just have another six in the airport and then off for the 11 hours to Johannesburg. I have a quick jump to Walvis Bay and then it will be Saturday afternoon, and I am there. I wanted to mention also that my three 50lb bags have all flown free of charge!

I just wanted to make a small connection with home while I had the opportunity. I did not realize how hard it would be to leave my family - until I did. It was daunting when I realized I wouldn't be able to give my amazing mother another hug for the next year. I have been blessed so much already I do not have any doubts that there are some amazing times to follow throughout this year. I look forward to every minute of it.

Education Connection 2012

2011-12-26T14:38:00.001-08:00

January 7, 2011 will, Lord-willing, be my first day of about one year in Arandis, Namibia, a small mining town located in Southwest Africa. Alongside several other Namibian educators, I will be teaching English to 4th-6th grade students at Talitha Kumi Christian Academy, an outreach arm of Children of Promise Ministries which is dedicated to providing quality education for deserving kids in the community of Arandis. Thanks to a recent accreditation expansion by the Namibian Government, the school is now able to bring in two additional teachers, one to teach Math/Science and the other, English.

I will have at least 19 children in all of my classes and will be teaching a 55 minute writing class each day to each grade along with another subject. We may have the opportunity to learn to type and research on the computer. I have set up a writing cultural exchange program with most of them (I am still looking for participants). These children have all overcome many hardships in their lives; they have been rejected by many people who were supposed to love them. God provides them with all the love that they need. They are so willing to love those whom they are in contact with - especially when they realize that you care about them.

Namibian children are often not valued by family or community because the finances are not always there to provide for them; therefore education is not seen as imperative in public schools. Teachers often will not show up for work and when they do, students are left to copy information into their notebooks from the chalk board - they do not have textbooks. I have the privilege of working under Nan Parker, the administrator, principal, and one of the teachers at TKCA. Nan is the heart and hands of this mission, she cares deeply for the children and advocates for their best education. Being from Florida, having attained degrees and certifications from many institutions and having overwhelming experience bringing children out of a harmful lifestyle to becoming excellent students and successful individuals - she is very much qualified for the job. All the teachers at TKCA are dedicated to their students' learning. You have the amazing opportunity to support these amazing children by thoughts, caring notes, and potentially funding their education. Children of Promise allows you to partner with individual children by helping with tuition costs at this private school, allowing the children to have a better future and to help many of their own people. It costs about 100 USD per child for an education at TKCA and our enrollment for this year has doubled to 51. Although this is amazing - there are many more children in Namibia that can be served.

My mission for this year is to teach and care for these children. If you have an opportunity to write or share with others, please do. Contact me with any questions that you might have as the days, weeks and months progress. I am confident that each day is going to be an adventure. I know that I will be forever changed as I seek to immerse myself into this incredible culture. Thanks for coming along for the ride!

God Will Always Provide You With All You Need To Fulfill What He Wants. Merry Christmas!

2011-12-25T20:18:00.000-08:00

There are plenty of negative things to say about people in our daily interactions that always want to be first and to take care of their own needs before others. I want to take a few minutes to praise a few individuals who have totally, unnecessarily, blessed me in preparation for my trip.

I came in contact with a very friendly lady from the Vision Center at the Amherst Wal-mart when ordering my new glasses for the trip. Not only was she interested in hearing what I was about to do and wanted to see pictures when I came home, she expedited the process so I was sure to get my glasses all set before I leave. When I came to pick them up after half the time it usually takes, she proceeded with giving me everything that she thought I could possibly need for the year. Some of which included: 20 travel-size bottles of glasses cleaner and cloths, two cases, mini screw drivers, extra nose pads and screws. When I came back to give her a brochure she asked if there was anything I need, hugged me and said "God Bless you!" People Love to help when you say you're going to Africa. I am happy to have had the classes this semester which will prepare me to teach this year; however, being a new teacher, I was concerned about setting up my classroom in Namibia. A classmate from one of my Graduate courses at Rivier reached out and graciously gave me about four boxes full of years worth of her writing/reading curriculum for the younger grades. These included books, posters, activities, teaching strategies, resources books, work for special learners and more. Not to mention that they are for the exact grades I will be teaching in Arandis! It is so much that I was wondering how I would get it all to Namibia. Some teen friends of mine took care of that problem. They raised about $500 for the children through a series of bake sales. I don't know why I even bother worrying in the first place, it always works out! A particular one also created a beautiful board displaying all the children and telling their story which helped me find some writing buddies for my kids for the year.

Some folks at my church want to sponsor me at the school monthly to help cover expenses. Several people have offered to send packages for any needs the kids may have. My friend is director of Art and Design Department at a college and she wants my kids to have what they need to be creative and use their talents through the expression of art. She will be sending us a care package with the art supplies we need later in the year. My own brother, for Christmas, promised to give a monthly donation for the entire trip - wow! I have had people come to me and hand me generous gifts saying "Here, for your plane ticket" or "here, you must have a lot to pay for!" I am so undeserving of all this generosity.

Other than financial, it takes a lot of thinking, preparing, planning logistics for a year-long trip to Africa. It's nice to be able to lean on others who have been successful in similar situations. A very good friend of mine, who has had a great deal of experience in Namibia, and introduced me to this beautiful country - has, without a single complaint, answered every question and attempted to solve many barriers that I had run into. Everything from what do I need to bring for the year to how am I going to mail my important documents in a timely and safe manner and much more.

I am amazed, impressed, overwhelmed and fortunate! It's clearly not about my needs but about expanding the value of my time serving the Children at Talitha Kumi. It's about staying connected and getting as many people involved throughout this year. It takes just as many people for a trip like this to be successful.

Knowing the amount of work that it will take to teach, I did not want to overburden myself with classes throughout the year. After finding out what I was doing in Namibia, my professor agreed to help me get credit for the work abroad. Not only did she help me to come up with projects to do with the kids which will enhance their learning, count for credit and get me in a graduate program; she promised to work with me throughout the year; she handed me my text books for both semesters in a gift bag for Christmas. She said I didn't need that added expense. Because of my time serving with Ameri-Corps, I don't have to worry about the cost of the courses over 2012.

My parents and sisters have been supporting me all my life but more so within the past few months that I'd decided to go. I'll just say that $ really does grow on trees :) There are these and countless more stories - I am astounded by what people are willing to give. They want to be a special part of what I am doing. Evey dinner, every coffee, every book, every dollar, every thought, every prayer - is extremely beneficial to me getting on the plane in 10 days.

"Instead of your shame, you will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace you will rejoice in your inheritance. And so you will inherit a double portion in your land, and everlasting joy will be yours." Isaiah 61:7

What's the point?

2011-11-11T20:42:00.000-08:00

People often see traveling to other countries and serving as a waste of time. You know, you have to fund raise a lot, or use hard-earned money that could be easily used on other, much more useful venues. Some suggestions: pay off your loans, rent, and higher education; take a scuba class, save up for who knows what - the list goes on. The point is, why would you waste $2600 on a plane ticket to Africa or pay money to serve in another country for two-four weeks?

It's not only money that you are wasting, you spend months preparing! You gather supplies, you collect a team, you reach out to your friends, family members and acquaintances for donations, you familiarize yourself with the culture and prepare for what you will be doing there (ie: teaching, building, training). When you are finished, you leave! You serve, you report what you did, people stop asking about it and then it's over - never to be talked about again.

Right? What's the point?

Reflection

2011-07-12T20:21:00.000-07:00

This year at MCC - between starting the MCC Community Service Department, Service Saturdays heading up the ASB trips, coordinating the Namibia Mission 2011, among other things - has been a year of tremendous growth both professionally and spiritually. I have hopefully gained respect among students, colleagues, supervisors, and family members. Many have said they are proud of the things that have been accomplished through my life. For some reason there is always a sense of feeling lost and needing direction. Whenever one person finishes a big milestone, there is always another journey waiting ahead, the transition time between is always the toughest part when you feel that you are absolutely nothing.

I am hoping that very soon, I will come to find firm ground for my feet. If this foundation only focuses on my situations, what my life looks like at this moment in time, what I have accomplished for myself; than it's an extremely rocky one which is very uncomfortable to build on. I am realizing more and more as I live my life that the firm foundation will not come from:
1. finances which are always unstable 2. jobs 3. family health 4. relationships
It will only come from Christ, that higher power that controls the universe and holds my life in the palm of His hand. He is my rock and my redeemer, whom shall I be afraid of?

Namibia, SW Africa - My New Home for part of the summers of 2010 and 2011

2011-07-12T20:03:00.000-07:00

Last year I joined a team of thirteen to travel to Namibia, SW Africa and volunteer in the community of Arandis, not far from the coast. I taught one of the five pre-school classes at a small school Talitha Kumi Christian Academy for the two weeks that I was there. I was captivated by this experience. If you would like to see our pictures and read more visit NAM2010

As I was saying goodbye to my friends, I thought for some reason that it was only "for now" and that I would return. One of our fearless leaders said to me, "Anna you have been on so many trips, now it's your time to lead one." I thought he was crazy but when I returned, my supervisor at Manchester Community College was so impressed with my experience. After telling her story after story of the life, the work, the food, the people, the atmosphere; she turned to me and said,
"Why don't we offer an Alternative Break trip to Namibia for MCC?"

This was the question that changed my life. I then became the creator of the MCC Namibia Mission. In October I began promoting; in January the team was decided; in February Senate approved the trip, gave us 50% funding and the deposits were in; in March the tickets were bought; in April and June we had our big fundraisers to diminish the cost per student; in July (we are still paying the last of the trip costs!)and August 1, 2011 we get on a plane to travel there. What a journey it has been for us, and it's only just beginning! I can not believe we leave in less than three weeks for the students first ever trip to Africa. Their experience will determine weather or not we can go again in the years to come.

New Job!

2009-10-05T18:31:00.000-07:00

I was recently hired at the Manchester Adult learning center on South porter street off of South Willow in Manchester as the new level four ESL teacher. I am so excited. I am also a full time Americorps member there. My job for the Americorps grant is basically to meet the needs of the students and be a bridge that covers the gap between English class and college. I am working closely with Manchester community college as well as other universities in the area. It includes anything from resume writing to help them find a job, tutoring in math, science and english to help them prepare for college. I am supposed to be a resource to answer thier questions or find the solution to thier problems. I enjoy working with internationals. Those of you who know me, know that I have a passion for the cultures of the world. Being here every day really opens my eyes to the wonder and creativity of our world and excites me about being involved in my community to this extent.

My supervisor just offered me a citizenship class as well which studies current, US government and prepares eager students to take a citezenship test. I am excited about this as well!

In may I just returned from my 2008/2009 trip to E African countries of Uganda and Rwanda. If you want to hear some about my trip come to UNHM on October 14, 2009 12 noon on the 3rd floor auditorium to hear me speak about my study abroad experience. I spent the summer, working hard, but also lost according to what I should do next and this opportunity just floated in my direction until I snatched it and started to sail!

some of the Jems of Giturama

2009-02-27T01:23:00.000-08:00

Rwanda reminds me of a big patchwork quilt with all the farms The picture doesn't capture it.

I think it will give you an idea though, just imagine the hills keep rolling, the quilt gets bigger and the designs keep diversifying. It has been an honor to spend every day of this week in these hills meeting people and talking to them about their community. Wow what depth of majesty is this creation!

These were the girls I wrote about previously. We spoke with community leaders and church leaders, as well as visited many homes. I can not even explain how uncomfortable it made me to ask these questions to the people including: "What are the main sources of your income and how much do you make every day?" Or "how far do you walk to the nearest water source?" or "do you clean your water?" The answers were all the same. We would hear, "it's difficult to say how much money we make because whenever there is any money at all, we spend it on food or cloths." They said the main source of income was there crops but many times there was not enough harvest to feed the family daily, let alone to be sold in the market. They spoke of not enjoying the two hour walk to the market carrying vegetables or the same walk in another direction to fetch water. Many times they can not find enough fire wood to boil and clean their water, so they mix their clean water with dirty. It was no longer just facts we were gathering from the leaders, it was actual lives that were telling us the same difficult truth. We very quickly canned the survey and it was much nicer to chat in their homes.

I must say it has been a very difficult week. I have been struggling being here and finding my role as an American who lives a very different life than these people. Difficult questions rise as I contemplate the information I find out and the poverty that I see. Crying just thinking about the pain these people feel. You may say, "Well they don't know any different," but I still can't reconcile the fact that most children only eat one time every day. How can a person get used to that hungry feeling in his belly? It is so hard to keep myself from just handing out my lunch every day, fighting with the fact that they already expect white people to come and just hand them stuff and this action only encourages this mentality. While on the other hand I can't handle eating when they are not - or coming home to a big meal, I loose my appetite just thinking about it. Yes maybe they don't know what it feels like to have a shower head and running water, maybe they can live without those things, but you need meat and protein to survive and small animals are really lacking in this area. I can not even begin to put myself in their shoes, so I can not dare to say what they can and can not live without.

I don't even know anymore what is the correct response. Help me Lord to be here for the purpose in which you have sent me, and not to expect anything different.